And everything in between…
I look back at the time I calibrated for solo MMR for the first time(1.6K LUL) and the second time with the season MMR of TI battle pass(2.2K LUL). I realize that as soon as I approached the last few games of the calibration I started to panic. This was especially evident during my last calibration games of TI season MMR. I was aiming for a lot higher than my current MMR(1.6K at the time). I won my first 6 calibration games and suddenly I was playing “not to lose” rather than “to win”- which sound like the same thing. Let me tell you- that is not the case. You may think that the 2 negatives make a positive. However, the approach to the game is quite different in both cases. I am reminded of the OG at TI6 when I think of this. And I am in fact using their coach- 7uckngMad’s words here. In the aftermath of OG’s upset at the hands of TnC in TI6, he wrote a beautiful blog post giving some insight into the team’s defeat. If you are interested, please check that out. The TL:DR version is- when you play to win you are fearless and when you play not to lose you are scared to play the game freely.
I realized that this is happening with me and then for some time I started playing normal games again. It was like I had found my joy in the game again. Even when I lost, I did not feel frustrated. I started playing new heroes- which even after my 2.5K hours of play at the time were untouched or were never played seriously (Invoker, Earth Spirit, Timbersaw, Naga, Shadow Demon, Kunkka, Elder Titan, Pudge). These heroes are not easy to pull of without some practice. And as I found out I still suck at Invoker after 50 games on the hero. To my surprise, I found a lot of success with Pudge. My ES plays are still neither here nor there. So still, a lot of mountains to scale. As I said before- unlimited possibilities.
The second major flaw I noticed in my play is my tendency to tilt HARD . The most recent one is the hardest tilt I have had. I dropped from 2.8K to 2.2K in 2 days WutFace. Which I noticed- happens quite a lot when I am playing a comfort hero. I tend to blame my teammates more which in turn leads to masking of my own mistake. I go into the next game feeling I did nothing wrong. But, the tilt has already begun- and down the rabbit hole we go. I play my worst heroes, I keep on playing till I win a game which takes a lot of games as common sense and all the thought process has just gone out the window.
The combination of these 2 factors makes sure I never get out of this so called “Trench” or “MMR hell” as people like to call it. But do I deserve to be in this bracket? Am I good enough to get the final 200 MMR and breach the third thousand? The answer to both of these questions is YES- which again is contradictory. While a lot people who feel this way will say they are good enough to breach 3K- or whatever K they belong to- they won’t admit that they deserve to be here. Purge made an excellent video series explaining this exact phenomenon and so has TZJinzo. People who made it this far be like- just get to the friggin point already ResidentSleeper. The reason behind these answers quite simple actually. There is some aspect of game you and me are lacking in – and it is one/combination of these: mechanical skill, map reading, drafting, emotional stability(tendency to tilt)- basic skills of Dota.
Finding out the weakness is the key to advancing in the ladder. For me, it is the emotional stability and it is the hardest one to improve upon in my opinion. Once you tilt, your brain just stops responding. You start missing calls on Axe when everyone is relying on you to initiate and it all started when that Invoker tornadoes a perfect 5 man call KreyGasm you had 15 mins ago. I’m sure 90% of time the Invoker player did not intend that and 99% of time the team goes crazy, everyone is “tang ina bobo”ing or “cyka blayt”ing and noone is apologizing. Unless you have someone on your team who will calm everyone down, the game has gone to shit. So I have to learn to keep it cool when shit goes south.
On this day I stand at 2386 MMR. In an effort to improve myself I intend to start writing accounts of my matches on this blog. Only a retard would do that though. Kappa guys please do read. I am just starting on this and it can only be more helpful for me and maybe you as I hope we can learn together. Any kind of feedback is appreciated. Hope to see you again.